Some people that have been following me for a while – or people just passing by – might have realised I have been really inactive the last month. Longer, if you take into account I used to post 2-3 times per week. I’ll throw in a steady ”I can explain.” here as I can perfectly well explain why I haven’t been writing as much. I can also explain what I will be doing about it.
Let’s just start at the beginning and work out the rest along the way, shall we? My inactivity – or better said ‘less-activity’ – started because school was taking its toll on me. Life costs me so much more energy because I am autistic and I have several medical reasons that require a lot of energy from my body. Long story short, my energy supplies aren’t very high on their own and school was basically draining all I had until a point I could barely function. This affected my ability to write for my blog and even read.
The lack of ability to do anything other than lie limply on the couch and watch Netflix gave me loads of time to think. In my head isn’t the best place for me to be as I have a history of depression, getting panic attacks pretty quickly and just a pretty messed up time at school since I was 9 I believe. Besides all that I am autistic, which makes it really hard to deal with certain things. All was just rolling together and it just made my mental health plummet in no time. It was truly awful as I had no energy to do anything about it. And so my motivation to write on my blog basically vanished.
As big part of the struggles I have been experiencing is directly linked to me being autistic, I wanted to take April as my moment to talk about autism. At the start of April it was Autism Awareness Week and the whole month was dubbed Autism Acceptance Month. It felt like the right time. But apparently it wasn’t. I tried my best get people excited or share their thoughts or questions about autism with me and tell me what they wanted to know plus so much more, but it was just flatout ignored by most people. There were a few other girls out there trying to do the same and we ended up sharing eachothers tweets and posts and everything else was just crickets.
I didn’t expect much responses to this, but this was basically nothing and it just hurt me. Especially considering so many people are so in about diversity in all ways, shapes and forms and still autism is swept to the side. It made me realise that many people are fighting for the diversity everyone else is fighting for and not for the diversity only a few are fighting for. I just know that if I wanted to do the same thing I did about autism about bisexuality or anything queer, people would be on top of everything. I really did my best and it was for nothing, which really disheartened me. The posts I planned will be up eventually. I will write them when it feels right, but at this moment it just feels like people don’t really care about it.
After everything that happened, things are looking up again. Currently I haven’t had regular classes for weeks, just two times 1.5h exam training per week and now I only have to study at home for my upcoming exams later this month. This created some breating room for me and I can finally replenish my energy levels again. This room gave me time and opportunity to start blogging again, but still it felt like I had to force myself to open WordPress and write. You may have seen my Nevernight review of last week. It came out of nowhere and it took me a few hours to write it properly.
I started to ask myself questions like ”Should I take a break?” and ”Is my blog making me happy?”. I knew pretty quickly that taking a break wasn’t an option as I truly love writing about me, but I also knew that my blog is not making me happy in its current state. I have had the idea on a backburner in my head ever since I saw Shealea do it some time ago, but I have officially decided to do it: I am going to rebrand my blog. Currently my blog is all about reviews, books I have read and bought and more books. It puts a lot of pressure on my as reading is my source of content and it starts to feel like a chore sometimes. Besides, I am so much more than just a reader. I am a gamer, I am a huge Marvel fan, I am a collecter, I am autistic, I am a big fan of good movies and series, I am queer, I love plants, I love music. There is so much more to me than just books and the need to express needs to be let out. And that is exactly what I am going to do.
So what is going to happen on the short term? For the readers of my blog, mothing much yet. I’ll still be writing blog posts like before whenever I have time, energy and the will to write. I have several things ready to write like an unboxing, several reviews and a wrap-up and you’ll see them when the time is right.
For authors and publishers, there will be a change. I am closing ALL review requests indefinitely, except for authors, publishers and people I have reviewed for in the past or agreed to review something for in the near future. This is still no guarantee that I will accept the request, but I think that is understandable. Besides closing my review requests, I will change my review policy and make it a little stricter and clearer. I love reviewing, but I need to keep see reading as a way to escape reality or just relax and not as a job. I do this for fun and my mental health is currently demanding me to choose me more often.
What will happen on the long term? I (hope) a lot. Rebranding will be a ton of effort, but it will be the thing that probably make me feel the best as possible. I will be needing to change my blog name, update everything accordingly, change the layout of my blog, add new things and make sure everyone knows about it. The content change will probably be over a while and you might see new things, like for example movie reviews, before the full transition. I don’t have much details I can share currently, but I’ll update you along the way. One thing for sure is that my current content, such as book reviews and wrap-ups, won’t disappear. They might be changed or tweaked, but the rebranding will only add content and not remove any.
Another big change I want to make is that I don’t just want to review books and help authors this way, I want to use my voice and influence as a blogger to help more people. I am currently trying really hard to do big things with the Gang from The Write Reads, like humongous blog tours, and we are planning some amazing things we can do with the reach we have, like raising awareness for certain things. I can’t bring in too much detail, but it will be amazing.
In short, I will be changing my blog so it will be about all me, not just reader me. I want to write about all things that I love and not just one. There will be new content, a new name, a new layout, but I’ll still be me and my current content won’t be vanishing anytime soon.
For now, I’ll be needing all support I can get to complete this big step. It is the best step I can take, but I am terrified honestly. But that is normal I suppose. I have this bookblog up and running for almost two years now and I have steady traffic. Changing it will be a risk, but I am more than willing to take it as this blog will finally be about me as a whole and not just reader me.
Thank you for reading this personal post. Please, feel free to leave all ideas, tips, tricks, suggestions or words of confidence as I will need them all. You are my readers and without you and your support, I would have never dared to takes this step. Thank you!